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Clerks II

Posted by martinteller on January 9, 2007

I hated the first movie, but for some reason I let the internet fanboys get my hopes up for this.  What a fucking abomination of a movie.  Brian O’Halloran is a horrible, HORRIBLE actor.  And, big surprise, he’s done almost nothing with his career except work with Kevin Smith.  And all the other actors (with the exception of Rosario Dawson) in here are dreadful, too.  Smith casting his own talentless, unappealing wife as a supposedly desirable woman is a joke.  If it was just bad acting, though, this movie might get a pass.  But that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  The dialogue is obviously written to be natural and conversational, but sounds almost nothing like real human beings talking.  There ARE a few funny bits, I’ll give him that much.  The porch monkey bit, the “pillowpants” bit, a couple of Randal’s lines… okay, I laughed.  But it was not worth sitting through the rest of the terrible dialogue just for a few chuckles.  Most of the humor was retarded.  Honestly, the best part is Jay’s “Silence of the Lambs” routine, and you can get most of that from the trailer.

So what else?  The plotting is entirely predictable.  The hopeless Jesus freak virgin character was far too broad.  The cheesy dance scene that’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek instead feels like a desperate plea for affection.  My stomach clenched when I was subjected to one of the most awful movie clichés: the “fixin’ it up” montage.  As for the soundtrack, even though I like most of the songs, I didn’t think they were very interesting choices.  And last but not least, the movie’s “lessons” are enlightening only to someone completely stunted in his emotional development.  A truly painful experience.  Rating: 2


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