Pausing at a Milestone a.k.a. The 5,000 Blog-Fingers of Mr. T
Posted by martinteller on February 21, 2014
Well, WordPress tells me this is my 5,000th post on this blog. That’s a whole mess of posts. I started blogging about movies in January 2003. Although I was already in my early 30’s, I was really just starting to explore the vast world of cinema beyond the most obvious classics like Hitchcock and Kurosawa. I’m still exploring, and still feel there’s so much out there that I haven’t looked into. In a way, despite all that I’ve watched, I still feel like I’ve only scratched the surface, that I’m not adventuring far enough or deep enough, that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of interesting directors and films out there yet to discover.
At least, I hope so. In the past year, I’ve given a score of 90 or above to only seven films… and only two of those above a 95. Surely there are still great movies out there for me discover, movies that will thrill me and dazzle me and make me fall in love. Maybe I’ve gotten too grumpy, too critical. Or maybe I’ve gotten too even-handed. It’s something that worries me lately, that I’ve become too invested in being “fair”, seeing both the good and the bad in everything. I’m not letting myself get swept away by a powerful narrative, a grand performance, a distinct visual style or original idea. I’m also not letting myself just hate a movie that rubs me the wrong way, I’ve gotten too cautious about acknowledging whatever positives exist. Too often I’m worrying about the feedback I might get if I’m too extreme in either direction. The result is my reviews have become rather wishy-washy, I’m afraid. It’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I’d like to change it.
For many years this blog was just a personal hobby on my personal website. My reviews were short, some only a few words. They weren’t meant for “readers”, really… they were just for me, a few quick impressions for the record. Slowly, very slowly, my reviews began to take on more depth. When I decided to move my blog over to WordPress a couple of years ago, it’s because I finally felt that maybe what I had to say was finally worth sharing with the outside world. Some days I’m not so sure, but on rare occasions I’m quite happy with my writing. There are thousands of voices blogging about movies on the internet. My voice isn’t special, but it’s mine… and it’s nice to be heard, even when (or especially when) I’m not feeling very certain about whether I’m worth listening to.
Thank you to everyone who ever read a post on this blog. Thank you to everyone who ever “liked” a post or commented on it. Thank you to my subscribers… I don’t know why you do it, but it makes me very happy. Some of you are bloggers yourselves, and I wish I spent more time reading and commenting on your posts. I’d like to change that, too, though I have less time for the internet than I used to. I also have to make time for movies, and when I discover something great I want to come here and share my enthusiasm. This is my creative outlet and 5,000 posts in, I have no inclination to stop now.